


Pretend

by jeremyyyberryyy



Series: stray kids oneshots [8]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Cuddling & Snuggling, Everyone Loves Lee Minho | Lee Know, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lee Minho | Lee Know-centric, Little Minho, M/M, Multi, OT8, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Sad Lee Minho | Lee Know, littlespace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:00:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29830827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeremyyyberryyy/pseuds/jeremyyyberryyy
Summary: Stray Kids have been super busy lately, so Minho has been repressing his Littlespace as to not bother the rest of his boyfriends. Today has been especially bad, and he isn’t sure how long he can continue pretending.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Everyone, Han Jisung | Han/Everyone, Hwang Hyunjin/Everyone, Kim Seungmin/Everyone, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)/Everyone, Lee Minho | Lee Know/Everyone, Seo Changbin/Everyone, Stray Kids Ensemble/Everyone, Stray Kids Ensemble/Stray Kids Ensemble, Yang Jeongin | I.N/Everyone
Series: stray kids oneshots [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2165805
Comments: 10
Kudos: 116





	Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> sorry this is so bad!! i haven’t had a lot of motivation, so i kinda figured i would just try writing even if it’s really bad lolol
> 
> tw/cw: littlespace, panic attacks, self-deprecating thoughts, self-doubt, slight self harm (very, very minor)

Minho wakes up feeling small. It’s been a stressful week so this is understandable and honestly kind of expected. But Minho also knows that they have a busy schedule today.

All of his boyfriends have been super stressed lately. And they've all been extremely busy. So it's not their fault that Minho hasn’t wanted to bother them by asking them to take care of him.

So, when Minho wakes up already feeling Little, it’s not only understandable but also expected. But that doesn't make it convenient. He has been waking up like this for weeks now. Each time, easily able to push down the feeling.

He can’t control when he is feeling Little, but he can control when he actually lets himself slip and if he has to, he can easily slip back into his Big headspace. However, it has been a good week and a half of Minho repressing his headspace. No matter how stubborn he is, Minho does know that this can’t be healthy for him. But, so far he hasn’t had anything bad or out of the norm happen to him. He’s probably fine.

Now, even though Minho can generally control when he regresses, sometimes he slips without even realizing it or is too tired to stop it from happening. This has happened a few times, but it’s only been in extreme cases. And he can only recall it happening about twice. Once when he was having a nightmare one evening, before he could even think twice, he was slammed into Littlespace out of fear. The second had been after one of those stupid balloon games. Minho had been on edge all day due to all the loud pops of the balloons and finally couldn’t stop himself from regressing.

Little did he know that today would be the third time it happens to him.

____________________________________________________________________________

Once he has reluctantly gone through the routine of pushing down the nice, floating feeling creeping up on him, Minho almost falls flat on his face trying to get out of bed. It seems his limbs have decided not to work today and Minho would honestly rather be sleeping in bed right now.

Sadly, Minho can’t stay in bed all day. Nor can he be Little. They have an extremely busy schedule today and he can’t let the others down when they are all working so hard.

____________________________________________________________________________

Luckily, the first part of the day goes smoothly. Although Minho feels kind of out of it today, he manages to play everything off as not getting enough sleep and gets on with his day.

Nobody asks any questions if they notice Minho is a little off, which he is grateful for. However, everything starts going downhill at dance practice.

____________________________________________________________________________

For some reason, Minho can’t get his body to cooperate. His limbs feel too big and heavy, making it harder to move fluidly and keep up with the fast tempo of the song. Minho can feel tears start to prickle at his eyes out of frustration. But he can’t let them fall. He doesn’t want to concern his boyfriends and if he cries, he will end up slipping.

During the water break, nobody talks to him. He knows it probably isn’t intentional and it’s not like he’s been going up to someone to start a conversation, but it still hurts. It seems like they’re excluding him and don't want to talk to him.

Minho can again feel the tears that threaten to start dripping down his face and he digs his nails into his arm to stop himself from giving in.

He is currently teetering between the two headspaces, trying desperately to not be Little. 

He is mostly failing. Minho keeps catching himself unfocusing and unconsciously slipping into the carefree, safe headspace. But he needs to finish practice. Maybe he can just regress in his room after they get home or something. 

Minho honestly isn’t sure if he can last that long, but he has to try. “Just pretend to be Big. Pretend to be Big,” Minho repeats to himself in a slightly threatening and firm tone. 

It can’t be that hard. Minho will just pretend to act normally and finish the practice before slipping into Littlespace in the privacy of his own room. “It’ll be fine,” he thinks.

____________________________________________________________________________

It is not fine. Minho keeps stumbling over his own two feet or missing a move and coming in late. He can tell his boyfriends are starting to get annoyed and holds back the whimper that wants to climb up his throat. He feels bad for not getting the choreography correctly. He’s supposed to be one of the main dancers. Yet he can’t even make it through one practice.

____________________________________________________________________________

At their next break, Chan calls out to him, asking him if he’s okay.

Minho’s shoulders tense, but he throws back a convincing smile, reassuring them all that he’s good.

When Minho goes over to his bag, he happens to catch a glimpse of the extra pacifier in his bag, kept there in case of emergencies. Minho can feel his resolve start to crumble. He can’t do this. He needs to regress. Minho hasn’t been Little in weeks. And it’s too much. He can’t handle all the responsibility and stress.

Minho finally stops fighting the fuzzy feeling, knowing it’ll harm him more if he keeps trying to fight it. He slips fully into headspace, but is still conscious enough to make sure the way he acts won’t clue the others in that he has regressed.

He holds back a whimper, his Little side upset that he is alone in his current headspace. Minho swallows the whimper and scolds himself for acting childishly.

“Just until the end of practice. Can be Big for hyungs. Just play pretend. Then can be Little at home,” he thinks to himself, determined to win at this game of pretend.

Before he can do any more thinking, Jisung comes up to him and drapes an arm over his shoulders.

“Hey,” he says casually, taking periodic sips of his water.

“H- Hi!” Minho manages out, trying to keep his voice sounding regular.

Jisung smiles back at him and lets out a loud, over-exaggerated yawn. Hyunjin rolls his eyes at him, muttering something about a drama queen. But Jisung just laughs, pointing out that Hyunjin is by far the most dramatic of them all.

Minho is only half listening to their conversation. Jisung is now leaning his head onto his shoulder and Minho wishes he could just get engulfed in the others' embrace. (He just wants his Sungie. Sue him!)

As Jisung nuzzles into Minho’s neck, the Little pouts and can’t stop himself from wrapping his arms fully around his boyfriend.

The other smiles and holds Minho back, arms around his boyfriend's waist.

Suddenly, a yawn spills from Minho’s lips. Jisung laughs in surprise and pulls him closer, while Minho lets himself go limp in his embrace.

“Tired, baby?” Jisung says.

Minho nods sleepily into Jisung’s neck and then lets out a loud giggle when the other starts lightly tickling his sides.

Jisung laughs out loud and Minho glares at him, fighting himself to not further give into his headspace. Giggling like mad and begging Sungie not to tickle him are not something Big Minho would do. And that would make Jisung and the others know that he’s regressed. That means he’ll lose! And Minho can’t break the rules of his pretend game just because the other started tickling him.

“Stop torturing him, Ji” calls Felix in defense of his second-oldest boyfriend.

“It’s hyung to you,” Jisung pouts.

“And I think I just found my next tickle victim,” he says, laughing maniacally as Felix runs to hide behind Seungmin, who protests.

“Hide behind Innie. I don’t wanna be involved.”

By now, Jisung has pulled away from the hug and has gone to go talk to Chan, not actually serious about attacking Felix since they are still at practice and don’t have time to be messing around.

Minho can feel his tears threaten to fall. He just wants hugs. Why can’t they give him hugs? 

“Do they hate Min? Needa be good for them. Needa try harder at dance, then they won’ hate Min,” the Little thinks.

He figures that if he stops messing up at practice and gets the choreography right, they will be proud of him. He doesn’t want to disappoint his boyfriends.

Suddenly, Minho feels a tap on his shoulder.

“You sure you’re okay? You looked really lost in thought, hyung,” says Changbin in concern.

Minho flinches when Changbin calls him ‘hyung’, but luckily it goes unnoticed by the other.

“M’ good, Binnie,” he says, smiling down at his boyfriend.

Changbin shoots him a strange look and Minho can tell the other doesn’t fully believe that he’s okay.

Before Minho can think it through, he is already wrapping himself around Changbin in a hug.

The other freezes in his arms, surprised by the sudden skinship. But he slowly wraps his arms around the older as well.

“Okay, okay. I believe you,” he chuckles, pushing Minho back slightly.

Minho lets out a barely audible whimper. Did he make Binnie mad? Is that why he hated hugging him?

As Changbin turns to walk back to the bench where his water sits, Minho does the only thing he can think of to get the other to stay.

Changbin’s mouth gapes open at the sudden action of his hyung throwing himself at his back. Before he can question Minho’s actions and sudden clinginess, the break is over and they have to get back to dancing. 

____________________________________________________________________________

Minho is trying his best. He really is. Except, no matter how hard he is concentrating on getting the moves down, they just don’t come out right. His movements are sluggish and not sharp. He stands out like a sore thumb in contrast to the others, who are having no trouble getting the moves down.

Minho just wants to be good. He just wants to make his boyfriends proud. He wants to get this dance right.

Minho feels pathetic as his eyes swarm with tears and he has to continuously blink to clear his eyes. The tears manage to blur his vision, making it hard to see what he is doing.

Minho trips on something or someone or maybe just his own feet.

Before he can register what is happening, Minho is hitting the ground hard.

The tears stay frozen in his eyes, as Minho is still trying to overcome the shock of falling. 

While Minho stays frozen on the ground, his boyfriends don’t even bother helping him up. Some of them even start glaring at him. And then the yelling starts.

“What was that, Minho?” Chan asks in exasperation.

“I’ve tried to be patient with you, but this is taking it too far. You’re acting immature and childish. Don’t think I didn’t notice you making excuses of being tired only to goof off during water breaks. You need to get your act together and stop lazing around. You’re one of our main dancers, Min. So you, especially, need to be working hard and not messing up every two seconds,” Chan continues.

Minho feels sick at the other’s words. He can feel his heart start pounding inside of his chest and his heart rate spikes.

Minho doesn’t even know if somebody else starts yelling or if everybody stays silent, all he can hear is the rushing behind his ears and his rapid heart beating. He feels like he’s steadily losing control, his entire body is starting to tremble as he curls himself into a small ball on the floor.

Do they even care that he tripped? Do they even care about him? Do they hate him?

Minho can’t think as the numbing panic fills his brain. The members probably hate him. His boyfriends probably hate him.

He can feel his chest and throat start to tighten and his breaths continue growing shallower and becoming more and more ragged. He is unaware of his surroundings and can only focus on the dread curling in his stomach, making him nauseous, and the panic in his head, causing him to feel lightheaded and dizzy.

Minho suddenly lets out a gasp. Something cold and watery is traveling up his arm, shocking his senses. He feels a little less lightheaded and more coherent as the cold object turns into multiple, running up his arms and back and neck.

Minho’s breathing starts to improve and although he doesn’t know what his other boyfriends are saying, he is more aware of his surroundings and can see the ice cubes being rubbed against his skin. 

“Can you hold the ice and count how long it takes to melt, Minho?” Changbin asks, making sure to be clear with his instructions while still being gentle, not wanting to cause the panic attack to worsen.

Minho blinks a bit, now noticing the tears that have been falling from his face the whole time. But he is too out of it to care about that right now.

The boy grasps the ice cube in his fist, letting out a small whimper due to how cold it is, but notices how the ice brings him out of the panic taking over his body.

“Min- Minho sowwy,” he says after sucking in a few breaths and sipping at Jeongin’s water with the help of Felix and Seungmin.

“No mwean to make mistake n’ be- make hyungs mad,” Minho mutters, now staring at the floor beneath him.

Everyone can feel their hearts drop. After calming Minho down, they all had their suspicions when his crying sounded more high-pitched than normal. And now it all clicks in their brains 

Minho must’ve been in Littlespace this whole time, or at least feeling Little. That’s why he couldn’t focus on practice. And that is why he wasn’t goofing off, but instead unconsciously acting more childish. That explains the hug he gave Binnie and the way he giggled when Jisung tickled him.

The rest of his boyfriends feel incredibly horrible, especially Chan, who hadn’t even let Minho explain himself before yelling at the poor boy.

And then it hits them. 

They all gasp in the realization that Minho hasn’t regressed for weeks now. And the last time he did, they had needed to force him out of headspace because they had an interview. 

That must’ve been the cause of Minho slipping, not being able to repress his Little side any longer. And that, on top of the stress and anxiety of practice and preparing for their comeback, had caused him to regress.

“Baby- Were you- Were you Little all day?” Chan asks for clarification.

Minho looks back at him with heartbreakingly watery eyes and a red nose from crying.

“On’y after watew bweak,” Minho shakes his head, sniffling.

“How long were you feeling Little for, Min?” Hyunjin asks after they all nod at Minho’s words.

“All day?” he continues.

Minho shakes his head “No” and the others all let out a sigh of relief before Minho speaks up again.

“All w- we-“ Minho tries to get out, stumbling over his words.

“All week?” Jeongin says loudly in surprise.

Minho finches back and starts muttering apologies again.

“M’ sowwy. Min will- Min will twy bettew. D- do bettew. I- I’m- Lino sowwy. Reawy, reawy sowwy.”

“Baby. Baby!” Chan interrupts before Minho can spiral into another panic attack.

“You’re okay, Min. No one is mad at you,” he starts, pausing when Minho makes a sound of protest.

“We shouldn’t have yelled at you. Hyung shouldn’t have yelled at you when you were trying your best. It’s not your fault, kitten. Channie-hyung was just very stressed, but shouldn’t have taken it out on you,” Chan says, trying to push down the tears that threaten to spill out of his own eyes out of guilt fromnhe had said to Minho.

“And why didn’t you tell us, baby? You should always tell us when you feel small,” Seungmin says, his voice free from disappointment and instead filled with worry and curiosity.

“Thought Lino cou’ pwetend,” Minho sniffles, wiping at his eyes with his closed fist.

“Baby, why would you need to pretend. We love taking care of you, Minho,” Felix asks before pulling Minho into his arms and then onto lap.

Minho giggles slightly at his actions and rubs at his eyes some more.

“We b- busy. An’ y- you stwessed,” he says, looking up at Felix with glossy eyes.

Everybody frowns at Minho’s statement.

“We are never too stressed for you, Min,” Jisung insists, walking closer to Felix to sit beside the couple and run his hand through Minho’s hair.

“No m- mad?” Minho asks suddenly.

Turning his gaze to Chan, he asks again, “Channie n- no m- m- mad?

Chan’s heart breaks at the fear in Minho’s eyes and he feels utterly horrible for how he yelled at his boyfriend without even asking him if he was okay first after hitting the ground.

“Channie-hyung’s not mad, baby. You’re an absolute angel. Channie was bad, yeah? Not my kitten,” Chan reassures immediately, his heart swelling in happiness when Minho turns red and lets out a giggle at being called an angel.

Minho makes grabby hands towards Chan and the older strides quickly over and pulls Minho into his embrace.

The others gather around Minho and all hug one another tightly. 

Minho lets out a happy sigh as he snuggles closer into their arms, relief filling his body.

“S- Still lo- w- wove Min?” he says with his face buried into Chan’s chest.

“Still love Min,” Changbin confirms.

“Will always love Min...no matter what,” Changbin softly continues.

Minho giggles and his cheeks flush. He feels safe and happy with all his boyfriends here and is glad they aren’t mad at him.

The Little wiggles out of everyone’s embrace and before they can vocalize their confusion, Minho starts hugging Jisung.

Jisung wraps his arms around Minho and looks on in surprise as Minho mumbles, “L- Love Sungie,” before pulling back and moving to Hyunjin.

Once he’s gotten done with hugging each and every one of his members and telling them he loves them, Minho stands in front of them with giggles falling from his lips. His face is flushed and cheeks pink, with a huge smile stretching across his face. 

“Our baby is so cute,” Chan coos, causing Minho to turn an even darker shade of pink and cover his face with his hands in embarrassment.

Everyone laughs and soon enough Changbin is scooping up Minho onto his back like before and hauling him out of the practice room.

____________________________________________________________________________

The rest of the evening is spent with Minho snuggled up to the rest of his boyfriends, especially Chan, who has decided he would rather perish than leave Minho’s side for too long. Besides, their baby needs cuddles and he is happy to provide them.

Minho is content and feels warm and happy surrounded by all of them.

He babbles happily around his pacifier while the movie Cocoa plays on the television.

Unbeknownst to Minho, all his boyfriends turn to look lovingly at him with soft smiles gracing their faces, instead of actually paying attention to the whole movie.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to those who read and comment! just so you know i have been thinking of writing an actual fic where stray kids are all dating and helping each other out with mental illness and everything, so if you have any suggestions for that or even just how i should start it (because idk what i’m doing haha) that would be very much appreciated!! <3


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